Starlight Quest 2005
by Father Maxwell
Summary: A really stupid play I wrote for my final project in English. But hey, I got full points on it so it's all good ^^ Please R/R!


Starlight Quest 2005  
  
  
  
Narrator: The year, 2005. The Earth has been invaded by an army of flesh-eating Martian chipmunks. Most of humanity has been consumed alive. The rest ventured into outer space. These few, brave souls (crash!) explore the galaxy (bang!) searching for a way to rid the Earth of it's less-than-friendly inhabitants. Never before has such an event taken place (BOOM!)-- (narrator clears throat) This is a very difficult task for our brave heroes (CRASH!), and they just can't help having problems. (BOOM BOOM BOOM!!!!!!!!!) (narrator fades out)  
  
(The setting: A young woman, about 17, and a young man, also about 17, both dressed in makeshift military uniforms are sitting in the cockpit of a spaceship. They are engaged in combat with another ship, and loud crashes ensue as they try to just get the heck out of there)  
Mariko (the woman)- Hit the veet switch! (the man pushes a button and a cantaloupe hits Mariko on the head) Not the beet switch you moron, the veet switch!  
Wolfe (the man)- Sorry, Mari! (he hits another button. the scene goes red as the enemy ship is shot down and blows up all over them. Wolfe hesitantly looks up) Is-is it over?  
Mariko- I think so. (She looks out the window and sees the remains of the enemy ship) Yes! It's gone!   
Wolfe- Ve haff done it! Alright!  
Mariko- Yeah! (They slap 5) Now, let's get back to the mothership.   
Wolfe- Sounds like a good idea to me.  
(Black out slowly. Narrator speaks)  
Narrator: Thus introduces our heroes, Mariko, a young woman from Japan specially trained in the art of Ninjitsu, and Wolfe a young man from Germany specially trained in the art of.....yodeling. They are two of the number of people who have survived the chipmunk attacks.  
Voice from offstage (who will be referred to as "VFO"): So just how many people survived, anyway?  
Narrator: Glad you asked. Mariko and Wolfe are not sure, as the only other living person on the ship they have seen is the blundering British Captain Giles. But rest assured, there are apparently more other people on the mothership, because how else could it function?  
VFO: Oh.  
Narrator: (clears throat) Um, yes. Anyway, scene 2 finds our heroes quietly playing the ultimate game of military strategy on the mothership.....  
Mariko- A-4.  
Wolfe- Aw! You haff sunk my battleship!  
Mariko- Ha, ha! (She sticks her tongue out at Wolfe. Captain Giles enters through a large silver door. He is dressed in a green military jacket, black pants, and has a multitude of gold chains around his neck.)  
Giles- Soldiers!  
(Mariko and Wolfe leap to their feet) Both- Sir!  
Giles- At ease, men. (Mariko glares at him) Oh, sorry. At ease soldiers!  
Wolfe- (walks up to Giles and inspects his gold chains) Giles, haff you been watching A-Team again?  
Giles- Um......  
  
Mariko- Oh, Giles! Just how are you getting television transcripts from Earth anyway?  
Giles- Well, if you ever hung out in the common room, you would understand.  
(Mariko and Wolfe look at each other)   
Wolfe- The...common room?  
Giles- Yes, the common room! I can't believe you two have never been there! That's where all the crew of the ship gathers for tea, crumpets, scones, and television reruns. Anyway, I have a quest for you two.  
Mariko and Wolfe- Yes sir!  
Giles- Oh, stop that!  
Mariko- Sorry.  
Wolfe- Ja, very sorry.  
Giles- Don't apologize! Just listen to what I have to say! Humanity's only hope is a sacred plant that grows only on the distant planet of Kinmoku. Your mission is to take the Starlight Express and go to Kinmoku. Bring back the plant and give it to me.  
Mariko- Sounds easy enough. But, how will we know if it's the right plant or not?  
Giles- You'll know....  
(Mariko and Wolfe look at each other)  
Wolfe- Just how far is Kinmoku?  
Giles-The journey shouldn't take more than a few months. Of course, nobody's ever gotten there and come back alive, so I really don't know. (looks at watch) It's getting late, and I'll expect you at the ship dock first thing in the morning. Good night! (He exits, Down Stage Left)  
Wolfe- Dat vas odd. I haff never seen Giles act so professional. Are you sure ve are vanting to go on this quest?  
Mariko- Well, it's either the quest or stay here with that baka Captain of ours. I say we go for it.  
Wolfe- All right! Then quest it is. Guten nact Mariko! (he exits)  
Mariko- G'night! (Black out, curtain close.)  
  
(It is morning. Curtain opens. Scene is a bedroom with a multitude of luggage in the center of the room. Mariko lays on bed on right side of the room, still fully dressed, snoring loudly. There is a knock at the door)  
Giles (from offstage)- Mariko! Are you awake yet? (Mariko responds with a loud snore) Alright, well I'm coming in! (he enters through door, Up Stage Left, and walks directly to Mariko's bed) MARIKO!!!!!  
Mariko- AAH! (she falls out of bed and onto floor)  
Wolfe (from offstage)- Giles? Is it okay to come in?  
Mariko- (standing up) Don't you EVER do that to me again!  
Giles- Right, sorry, truly sorry.   
Wolfe- (enters through door) Is it time to go yet, Giles?  
Giles- That's exactly what I came in here for. (looks toward pile of luggage) Well, I see you are already packed. Excellent. Now, if you'll both just follow me to the ship dock, I can get your started on your merry way. (He heads to the door, Mariko follows.)  
Wolfe- Vait! Mari, you vorgot your shoes!  
Mariko- (sheepishly) Oh, thanks.  
(Curtain closes)  
  
Narrator- And so our brave heroes begin their quest, their quest for the sacred plant that grows only on the distant planet of Kinmoku.  
VFO- They said that already!  
Narrator- Quiet! (clears throat) Anyway, Mariko and Wolfe have set off in the starship Starlight Express. Where will their journey take them? What new adventures await them? Will they ever reach Kinmoku?  
VFO- Oooh, dramatic! Let's see what new, exciting adventures these two psychos will embark on?  
Narrator- Will you shut up?! This epic doesn't need the likes of you! I'd get rid of you myself if I were more than a voice.  
VFO- Oooh, I'm shaking.   
Narrator- (Disgusted sigh) Moving on, we find Mariko and Wolfe in the location they will be in for most of the next few months, the control room-slash-common room of the Starlight Express.   
(Curtain opens to a room with computer screens and one very large window that reveals space covering the back wall and a couch in the center of the room. Wolfe lounges on the couch, while Mariko sits at a chair typing at the vast keyboard.)  
Wolfe- (Yawns) Mariko, just how much longer til ve get to Kinmoku? (He gets up and walks to the window) Space is so vast and empty and there's nothing to do!  
Mariko- I know, I'm bored too. Giles made it out like this was some big exciting mission and so far, all I've been doing is sitting here and playing Jezzball.   
(There is a loud crash and the lights flicker. Spotlight shines on Stage Left, where there is a large quantity of fog. Entering from stage left is a girl, about the same age as Mariko and Wolfe, with bright pink hair and wearing a blue cape.)  
Mysterious Girl- Is this the Titania?  
(Mariko and Wolfe look at each other, both very confused)  
Mariko- No, sorry. This is the Starlight Express, from Earth. I'm Mariko, and this is Wolfe. Who are you, anyway?  
Mysterious Girl- (Bows) I am terribly sorry. I must have mistaken your ship for another. My name is Celcia, from the planet of Venus.   
Wolfe- Um, nice to meet you. Vhat's vith the cape, are you some sort of evil overlord or something?  
Celcia- No, I'm afraid not. I'm a space pirate. Marauding is what I do best.  
(Mariko and Wolfe take a few steps back)   
Celcia- Don't worry, I'm not going to hurt you. If it's not too much, could I travel with you for a bit? My ship crashed, and I have to find the Titania.   
Mariko- Sure, why not? But be warned, there's not much to do here except sleeping and playing Jezzball.  
Celcia- Jezzball? What's that?  
(Mariko grins and leads Celcia to the computer. Wolfe sighs and plops back down on the couch)  
Wolfe- Great, just what I need, another Jezzball fanatic.  
(Curtain closes)  
Narrator- And so the young space pirate Celcia joins our heroes' group. Will she end up bringing more harm to the group than good?  
VFO- Oooh dramatizing once more. What inane evils will Celcia bring to the ship? Will she get them all killed? Will she beat Mariko's high score in Jezzball? Oh Mr. Narrator, I can't stand the suspense!  
Narrator- THAT'S ENOUGH! I'm sick of you and your constant mocking! Don't you have anything better to do?  
VFO- No, not really. I'd rather stay here and terrorize you.  
Narrator- (Makes a low animal-like growl, then sighs) ANYWAY, continuing with our story, the past couple of weeks have gone by as boringly as possible. Mariko has gotten Celcia addicted to Jezzball, and all their time is spent breaking each other's high scores. Wolfe has remained in an almost-constant state of dormancy, only getting up to go to the bathroom. Our crew needs something to spice up their lives, and they're about to get it.  
VFO- (singing loudly and out-of-tune) Colors of the world, Spice up your life! Every boy and every girl, Spice up your life! People of the world, Spice up your life! Aaaaaaaaah-  
Narrator- SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
(The VFO cackles evilly)  
Narrator- Oh, open the curtain already.  
(Curtain opens. Wolfe is still laying on the couch, while Mariko and Celcia sit at the computer, Jezzballing away. Suddenly, a bright light flashes, and the room shakes. Wolfe is thrown from the couch, and Mariko and Celcia from their chairs.)  
Celcia- What the heck what that?  
(Spooky Darth Vader-like music plays. Entering from Stage right is a man, dressed in long black robes. He stops, looks at Celcia, and smiles)  
Celcia-(Jumps up) Lantis!  
Lantis- Celcia. Long time, no see.   
Celcia- (Becoming very angry) Just what are you doing here, Lantis?  
Lantis- What, so now I'm not allowed to travel space? (He turns to Mariko and Wolfe) I'm sorry my laser hit you. I was aiming for Saturn.  
Wolfe- Saturn? We're at Saturn already? (He gets up and runs over to window, which now shows the planet of Saturn)  
Mariko- (to Wolfe) Do you think we should stop? We could use a little break from this constant monotony.   
Wolfe- Sounds good to me! I'll be glad to get out of this room! Are you coming, Lantis?  
Lantis- I'm sorry, but I cannot. I am an enemy of Saturn's royal family, and I would just get you all killed. But I will see you soon. (He turns dramatically and exits Stage Right)  
Celcia- (Plops down on couch) Ugh, Lantis! I thought I was rid of him once and for all! The guy just won't die!  
Mariko- You have old issues with this guy, huh?  
Celcia- Yeah. I don't wanna talk about it. Let's just go.  
Wolfe- Ja, let's!  
(Curtain closes)  
Narrator- And so Mariko, Wolfe, and Celcia dock the Starlight Express at Saturn and head to the nearest restaurant.   
VFO- A restaurant! Gasp! Oh, horror of all horrors! Who knows what evil things they may find in this restaurant?  
Narrator- I've gotta get a new job.......  
(Curtain opens. Mariko and Celcia are sitting in one of the booth seats, and Wolfe across the table. There are other booths nearby, with random people in them, and there is a bar in the back. Sitting at one of the bar stools is a girl, about 15, with long red hair, wearing a scarlet and gold shirt and pants, and knee high black boots over the pants. She listens in to Mariko, Wolfe, and Celcia's conversation)  
Celcia- So, what exactly is this mission you're going on? I've been traveling with you guys for weeks and I still know nothing about it.  
Wolfe- Well, it's like this. The planet ve came from, Earth, has been invaded by flesh-eaters from Mars. The only vay ve can stop them is to travel to the planet of Kinmoku and bring back the sacred plant that grows there.   
(The girl from the bar stands up, and walks over to their table)  
Girl- I'm sorry, but I just couldn't help listening to your conversation. Name's Lina, treasure hunter extraordinaire. I've heard about Kinmoku, and the Escuudo that grows there, and maybe I could be of some help? Can I come with you? Please? It gets awfully boring around here...  
Mariko- Escuudo? Wolfe, Giles never told us that! (She turns to Lina) What else do you know?  
(Wolfe moves over in his booth, and Lina sits down beside her)  
Lina- Well, that's about all that is really known of Kinmoku. I've never known anybody to come back alive. But I've also heard that the inhabitants of it are just like humans.   
Wolfe- Well, Mariko? Can she come vith us?  
Mariko- Alright! We can always use more crew members! Welcome to the crew of the Starlight Express!   
Wolfe- Just do me a favor and don't get her addicted to Jezzball.....  
(Curtain closes)  
Narrator- (Sighing) And they think they're the ones with the monotony! My job's always, "And so, this person joins the crew, what new adventures will the encounter next, blah, blah, blah."  
VFO- It's okay. I feel for ya, man.  
Narrator- And you don't make this job any better!  
VFO- Come on narrator. Do what they're paying you for, and do it well. I believe in you!  
Narrator- Whatever. And so Lina, the young treasure hunter from Saturn, joins the crew. Will she be of any help in finding the sacred Escuudo? Will her Saturnian heritage get her into trouble with Lantis, who swore he'd be back? Will Mariko and Celcia get her addicted to Jezzball, too? Keep watching, and find out!  
VFO- That's the spirit! Goooooo Narrator!  
Narrator- Thanks. Can I have a Mt. Dew?  
VFO- Sure thing. You deserve it.  
(Curtain opens, and we are back to the control room of the Starlight Express. Wolfe is laying on the couch, Mariko and Celcia are playing Jezzball, and Lina is sitting on the floor going over the contents of a small bag, which are assorted gold coins and jewls. Wolfe notices, and turns to her.)  
Wolfe- Hey, Lina, vhere'd ya get all that loot from?  
Lina- (Smiles) I told you, I'm a treasure hunter! This is just some stuff I've found here and there. But I'm planning on making some big money by bringing back some Escuudo to sell! That stuff's priceless!  
Wolfe- Do you know anything else about Escuudo?  
Lina- I know a bit. My older sister's a doctor, and she knows all about plants with healing powers.  
Wolfe- Healing powers?  
Lina- Sure! Escuudo is said to not only cure any ailment that exists, but it's also a chipmunk poison!  
Wolfe- Chipmunks! No wonder Giles sent us out after Escuudo!  
Lina- Huh?  
Wolfe- You see, Earth was taken over by an army of flesh-eating Martian chipmunks. Mariko and I were among the escapees, and our Captain sent us on this mission to find Escuudo.  
Lina- Aaah, I see. Escuudo's very rare, and that's why it's so sought-after. My sister's always wanted to journey to Kinmoku and get some, but her job won't let her travel. So along with making money off it, I'm planning on bringing back some Escuudo for my sister.   
Wolfe- That's a very sweet thing to do, Lina. I'm sure your sister will be very proud of you.  
Lina- Yeah, I have to bring it back! She doesn't know I left Saturn, and she'll kill me! But hopefully the Escuudo will make up for it.   
Wolfe- Well, we'll make sure to get to Kinmoku and bring back lots of Escuudo for your sister.   
Lina- And your planet. You know, I've always wanted to see Earth. My parents were explorers, and when I was very young they went on an expedition to Earth, leaving me in the custody of my sister. They died while on the mission, and my sister's raised me ever since. So I would like to see this planet that my parents died for.  
Wolfe- That's such a sad story! Oh, you poor little girl! (He hugs Lina tightly and sobs)  
Lina- Hey, hey, it's alright. I don't need your sympathy. All I need is some Escuudo so I can repay my sister for everything she's ever done for me.   
Wolfe- (pulls out of hug) Don't worry! I'll make sure ve get safely to Kinmoku and back so you can repay your sister!  
Lina, thinking- (This can be done as a pre-recorded voice-over, or Lina saying it without anyone else hearing) Wolfe, what a sweet guy. He's like the big brother I never had. Well, the other big brother I never had, ever since Lantis left and made himself an enemy of Saturn. I still don't know why he left, but mark my words, someday I will find out!  
Wolfe- (Looks at his watch) Well, it's getting late. You'd better get some rest. (He yells over to Mariko and Celcia) You'd better get some sleep too!  
Mariko- Uh-huh.  
Wolfe- (sighs) Well, guten nacht, Lina.  
Lina- Night.  
Lina, thinking- Even if Amelia does kill me when I get back, it was worth it. I'm so glad I came on this ship. Wolfe really makes up for Lantis. And I'll finally be able to pay Amelia back for being such a good makeshift mother!  
(Lina and Wolfe both exit Down Stage Left, leaving Mariko and Celcia to their game of Jezzball. The lights dim, with only the spotlight on Mariko and Celcia.)  
Celcia- Mari, you know how when Lantis came aboard, you asked me about my issues with him?  
Mariko- Yeah, what about?  
Celcia- (Hesitantly) Well, see, the reason I hate Lantis so much is that he killed my entire family.  
Mariko- No!  
Celcia- Yes. Lantis is originally from Saturn, but he left to become an assassin. I am of the Venusian royal family, and my parents were the King and Queen. Our family had a great diplomatic relationship with Saturn's royal family. But Lantis was hired to kill my family, and he did. I alone managed to escape. This killing led Lantis to be exiled from Saturn, and he is constantly on the run from the Planetary Police.  
Mariko- The Planetary Police? I've never heard of them.  
Celcia- Just like regular police, it's their job to arrest criminals in space. I've had to outrun them quite a few times.  
Mariko- Outrun them? Why?  
Celcia- Well, I'm the rightful heir to the throne of Venus. But after Lantis' massacre, I fled Venus. I had to make a living somehow, so I turned to being a pirate. I went from the distinguished heir to the Venusian throne to a common criminal. And now, encountering Lantis again! You'd better watch out, or he'll kill us all.   
Mariko- I'll make sure to be careful. That's such a horrible thing, what Lantis did. My entire family was killed too, by the Martians, as was Wolfe's.   
Celcia- That's so sad. I hope you can get to Kinmoku and bring back the Escuudo so you can save your planet!  
Mariko- Thank you. Now, what do you say we get some sleep?  
Celcia- (Yawns) Definately. Jezzball's a very tiring game.   
(Curtain closes)  
VFO- (Who is now back to his old mocking state) Oooh, and this was the scene of revealed pasts! Is this comedy getting too dramatic, or is just me?   
Narrator- It's just you. You can't have a space epic without drama. Haven't you ever seen Star Wars?  
VFO- No, and I don't plan to. I'd rather stay here and drive you up the wall.   
Narrator- Greeeeaaaaaaaat.......  
VFO- Hey, Narrator, this is getting kinda long. How about an intermission?  
Narrator- That's the first good idea you're had all day!  
(INTERMISSION)  
(Curtain opens. The scene is still the control room. Mariko and Celcia are in the back playing Jezzball, and Wolfe and Lina are sitting on the couch, facing each other, playing battleship. )  
Lina- (Leans back) Aah, another boring day, filled with nothing but the endless playing of games. How much longer til we get to Kinmoku?  
Mariko- I'm not sure exactly, but my guess is a couple more months. (Lina groans. Mariko smiles, gets up, and walks over to her)  
Mariko- It's okay, Lina. This will all be worth it in the end. Besides, when was the last time we all had so much free time?  
Wolfe- (Mockingly) Ha, ha. You're a real clown, Mariko.   
Mariko- Try to cheer up. Hey, I know what we can do! We're reaching Pluto, what do ya say we all get some fresh air?  
Lina- All right!  
Celcia- Say, Mari? Is it true what they say about Pluto being the coldest planet in our solar system?  
Mariko- Sorry, Celcia. But that's true.  
Celcia- Great. Sorry, but Venus is one of the warmest planets in our system. I'm just not used to cold weather.   
Mariko- It's okay, just make sure to bundle up.   
Celcia- Well, you see, that's another problem. Being from such a warm place, I don't have any warm clothes.  
Wolfe- I'm from a very cold place, so I have lots of furs. You can all borrow some, if you'd like.   
Celcia- Great! Then it's off to Pluto we go!  
(Curtain closes, and spotlight flashes down to Lantis, who is standing in front of the stage, with headphones to his ears, sitting in front of a machine with lots of buttons. He seems to be using it to listen in to their conversation.)  
Lantis- Pluto, huh? I'll just have to be there to greet them. (He cackles evilly, turns dramatically, and walks away, leaving the machine and headphones.)  
(Curtain opens. The scene is a spot on Pluto, with ice and snow everywhere. Random people all dressed warmly pass by. Mariko, Wolfe, Celcia, and Lina all stand, wearing capes with fur.)  
Lina- Have any of you ever been to Pluto before?  
(Mariko, Wolfe, and Celcia all shake their heads no)  
Mariko- Wolfe and I have lived on Earth all our lives, and like Celcia said, she's from Venus. We'll just have to see for ourselves what there is to do around here.  
Celcia- (Shivers) Burrrrr. It sure is cold here. Lina, you seem to know the most about Kinmoku. Do you know if it's hot or cold?  
Lina- No clue. I only know about Escuudo from Amelia.  
Mariko- Amelia?  
Lina- That's my sister's name. She's a doctor.  
Mariko- Aaah. So, do you have any other siblings besides Amelia?  
(Lina starts to answer but is stopped. Lights flash, and creepy Darth Vader music that played the first time Lantis appeared plays. There is a multitude of fog, and Lantis enters from Down Stage Right. Lina, noticing him, quickly hides behind Wolfe. Celcia clenches her fists and grows noticeably angry.)  
Wolfe- Lantis!  
Lantis- (Smiles) I told you I'd be back. So, what brings you to Pluto?  
Mariko- (Also noticeably angry) We decided we needed a break. Why are YOU here?  
Lantis- (Still smiling, he starts laughing maniacally) Why do you think I'm here?   
Celcia- (Pulls laser gun out of her cape. You can use any toy laser gun for this, preferably with sound) You were following us, weren't you? I was the only one in my family who escaped and now you've come to kill me, right?  
Lantis- Right you are! I've long since been paid for that job, but I thought it best to finish it. (Manically laughs some more)  
(Lina slowly steps out from behind Wolfe)   
Wolfe- Don't!  
Lina- I have to. Hello, Lantis.  
Lantis- (Abruptly stops laughing) Lina! I-I can't believe it! (He runs up and hugs Lina tightly)  
Lina- (Pushes Lantis away) Get away from me. You're a disgrace to the entire planet of Saturn.  
Celcia- Wait, Lina, you know this guy?  
Lina- I should. He's my older brother. He left Saturn shortly after my parents died. I never knew what happened to him since.  
Celcia- You mean, you don't know about him?  
Lina- Know? What's there to know? After my parents died, he suddenly left, leaving me and Amelia to fend for ourselves.  
Celcia- No, that's not it. He left Saturn to become an assassin. He was responsible for the killing of my family.  
Lantis- And I'd like to finish it now, if you don't mind. (He walks up to Celcia and forcefully grabs her by the shoulders.)  
Mariko- No! You stay away from her! (She runs up to Lantis and delivers a swift kick to his neck. [Note: Please don't do this for real! Fake it!] Lantis groans, and falls to the ground. The sound of somebody clapping is heard from Stage Right)  
Celcia- (Who has fallen to the ground) What's that?  
(A tall man, dressed all in navy blue walks out from where the clapping was heard. He has a British accent.)  
Man- That was wonderful, simply wonderful! (He walks up to Mariko) Excuse me, but by any chance, are you a trained ninja?  
Mariko- Uh, yeah. I've studied ninjitsu at the Masaki dojo all my life. Who are you?  
Man- (Bows) My name is Horatio, escapee from Earth, and Captain of the Titania.  
Celcia- (Jumps up) So you're from the Titania! I've been looking for you all this time, and here you are! (She bows to Horatio) My name's Celcia, heir to the Venusian throne.  
Horatio- So you're Celcia. How convenient, that we are both docked at the same place. I have your supplies aboard, if you'd like to come and get them.  
Mariko- Supplies?  
Celcia- (Nervous) Um...yeah. It's just some......stuff. (To Horatio) Let's go!  
Horatio- (Again bows to Mariko, Wolfe, and Lina) We shall meet again, I hope. Good bye!  
(Celcia and Horatio exit Stage Right)  
Lina- That was weird. What would she need supplies for?  
Wolfe- (Hand up to chin, thinking) I have my suspicions.  
Mariko- Well, would you like to share them with us?  
Wolfe- Remember when she told us marauding is vhat she does best? I'll bet those supplies are veapons to kill Lantis with. She does seem to hold a huge grudge against him.  
Mariko- Seem to? Where have you been? The guy killed her entire family!  
Wolfe- Oh. Right.  
Lina- In any case, we should follow them.   
Mariko and Wolfe- Right!  
(They exit Stage Right. Curtain closes)  
VFO- Narrator, say nothing! This is too perfect! (Clears throat) Oh no! What exactly are these supplies Horatio has for Celcia? Will Mariko, Wolfe, and Lina get caught following them? Is Lantis ever going to get up? Oh, I can't stand the suspense!  
Narrator- For the last time, WILL YOU SHUT UP?  
VFO- No. But thanks for asking. Hey, Narrator, wanna hear a song?  
Narrator- No, not really.  
VFO- (Clears throat. Sings loudly and out-of-tune) I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves! I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves! I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves and this is how it goes, first one! I know a song.....(continues singing)  
Narrator- Stop it! Shut up! Go away! Oh, they are not paying me enough. Just open the curtain already.  
VFO- Hey, Narrator, you seem to have forgotten something. The curtain doesn't open for this scene.  
Narrator- Now see what you made me do! Oh, man, I SO have to get a new job!  
VFO- (Cackles evilly)  
(Curtain still closed. Spotlight is on the center of the stage, where Horatio and Celcia stand, with a big box on the ground next to them. Mariko, Wolfe, and Lina are hiding in front of the stage, listening in to their conversation. They cannot see what is going on.)  
Horatio- (Pulls bag of M&M's out of the box) I believe you specifically asked for these.  
Celcia- (Takes the bag) Oooh, perfect. These are just what I needed!  
(Mariko, Wolfe, and Lina collectively gasp.)  
Wolfe- Oh, no! Explosives! What do you think she's planning on doing with those?  
Mariko- I don't know, let's just keep listening.  
Horatio- (Pulls out a can of those Swiss chocolate and cookie sticks) And these?  
Celcia- (Takes can, which shakes a bit.) Definitely. I can't live without these!  
Lina- Bullets!  
(Mariko, Wolfe, and Lina collectively gasp)  
Wolfe- Keep listening!  
(Horatio pulls out small bag of Pop Rocks and hands it to Celcia)  
Celcia- Oh, I love these! (She opens the bag and puts some into her mouth. For this part, it's a good idea to have a small microphone near Celcia's mouth so the explosions Pop Rocks make in her mouth can be heard)  
Mariko- More explosives!  
Lina- She must really have a thing for them. But what's she doing using them now?  
Wolfe- (Gasps) Maybe she's also planning on killing Horatio!  
Mariko- No! We've gotta stop her! Come on! (Mariko, Wolfe, and Lina all jump onstage, much to Horatio and Celcia's surprise.)  
Lina- Freeze! Celcia, we knew you were a space pirate, but a murderer as well?  
Celcia- Murderer? What are you talking about?  
Wolfe- We know what "supplies" Horatio was giving you. And now, because of you, he's dead! You cold-blooded killer!  
Horatio- (Taps Wolfe on the shoulder) I'm right here. And those "supplies" I was giving her is merely candy.  
Mariko, Wolfe, and Lina- Candy?  
Celcia- Yes, candy! I can't help it, I love candy!  
Wolfe- But...what about the explosions we heard?  
Horatio- Pop Rocks. You've never had them before?  
Wolfe- Of course I have. But what are you doing with all this candy from Earth?  
Horatio- The Titania is a ship that carries candy that was taken from Earth. Celcia just happened to order some from us. No weapons. Just candy.  
Mariko-(Hesitates for a minute, as she takes it all in) I-I-I'm sorry Celcia. We thought you were getting weapons that you were gonna kill Lantis with and you used them on Horatio!   
Celcia- Heh. Apology accepted, I guess. But next time you're gonna spy on someone, at least look to see what they're doing.   
Horatio- (Laughs) Well, this certainly has been a fun experience. Say, do you mind if I tag along with you for a while? My ship's getting some repairs done on it, which will take a long time. I could stay here, but I hate the cold weather.   
Wolfe- Sure! I could use another guy around here.   
Horatio- Splendid!  
(They all start walking to Stage Left. As they are walking, Celcia talks to Horatio)  
Celcia- Say, have you ever played Jezzball before?  
Horatio- Jezzball? What's that?  
(Celcia and Mariko grin at each other. Wolfe and Lina make very disgusted faces and sigh)  
Lina- Great. Another fanatic-to-be.   
Wolfe- Just what we need. Oh well, let's go. (Wolfe puts his arm around Lina and leads her off stage after the others. The big box is left in the center of the stage, with the spotlight still on it. Lantis walks out on stage from Stage Right)  
Lantis- Oh, that ninja brat! I'll kill not only Celcia, but her as well! (He notices the box, and starts digging around in it) Oooh, candy! (He picks up the box and runs offstage, Stage Right)  
VFO- (Who is chewing gum and blowing bubbles loudly) Hey, I didn't know Lantis liked candy. He just seems so much like the tall, mysterious, wanting-to-take-over-the-universe guy. I never woulda guessed.  
Narrator- Well, now you know the truth.   
VFO- The truth is out there.  
Narrator- Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. Anyway, Horatio, the young Captain of the Titania has joined the crew, bringing with him a large supply of candy. The others fill him in on their mission, and Horatio remarks on how he's heard about Kinmoku and has always wanted to travel there.   
VFO- Well, do they get him addicted?  
Narrator- To what?  
VFO- Jezzball, duh!  
Narrator- Oh. And no. Horatio finds that he is much more partial to Chip's Challenge.  
VFO- That's a fun game.  
Narrator- What is?  
VFO- Chip's challenge! Geez, turn up your hearing aid!  
Narrator- Grrrrr.  
(Curtain opens. The scene is once again the control room of the Starlight express. Wolfe and Lina are sitting on the couch, playing Battleship, with a large bowel of M&M's on the floor beside them. Mariko and Celcia sit at their usual computer in the back, and Horatio sits at one a little farther down.)  
Lina- Hey, Mariko? Do any of you even know the way to Kinmoku?  
Mariko- Er............no. But Captain Giles told us that the ship was programmed to automatically get us there. That's why you never see any of us doing any ship related stuff. It's on autopilot.  
Wolfe- Speaking of which, is there even a main control panel for the ship?  
Mariko- (Points to computer) This is it. We just never have to use it for any ship-related stuff.  
Horatio-(Stands up and walks over to Mariko and Celcia's computer screen) Do you mind if I see something on this?  
Mariko-Go right ahead. (She stands up, and Horatio takes her chair. He fools around with it for a bit)  
Horatio- Ah, here we go. This says that we have exactly two weeks left until we reach Kinmoku. Oh, look, there's also a thing here that you can use to communicate with other ships.  
Wolfe- (Jumps over back of couch and goes over to the computer) Sehr cool! Let's see if we can contact Captain Giles with this!  
Mariko- Why would we wanna contact him?  
Wolfe- Oh, come on Mari. Be a sport.  
Mariko- Whatever.   
(Wolfe types on the computer for a bit, then the voice of Captain Giles can be heard)  
Giles- Mariko! Wolfe! Finally, you contact us here! We'd all thought you'd fallen into a black hole somewhere.  
Mariko- No, no black hole. We just never knew this feature existed.  
Wolfe- Maybe if you'd spent less time playing Jezzball you would've noticed it.  
Mariko- Shh!   
Mr. T's voice from the background of the mothership- I pity the foo!  
Wolfe- Giles! Still watching old A-Team reruns?  
Giles- I can't help it, it's a good show!  
Mariko- Well, in any case, we'd better get going now.   
Giles- Wait, how much longer does it say you have until you reach Kinmoku?  
Wolfe- Exactly two weeks. We'll get the Escuudo and come back soon.  
Giles- How'd you know what it's called? I never told you!  
Mariko- Um, gotta go! Talk to ya later!  
Giles- Wait, Mariko! Wol- (He is cut off)  
Lina- Two more weeks. That's all. Horatio, we got enough food to last us that long?  
Horatio- You underestimate my "supplies".  
(Celcia laughs)  
Celcia- I still can't believe you thought he was giving me weapons.   
Mariko- Well, it sounded like he was!  
Celcia- It's okay, it's okay. Completely understandable.  
(Horatio walks up and puts his arm around Celcia, who blushes furiously)  
Horatio- I don't think I'd feel at all safe giving her weapons. She'd bee too dangerous.  
Celcia- Yeah, you got that right. That Lantis! I hope the Planetary Police catch him and lock him up and never let him out! I would have turned him in myself, if I already wasn't on their "Wanted" List.  
Horatio- Don't worry, they'll get him. Cold-hearted murderers like him never get off scot-free.   
Celcia- I sure hope not.   
(Curtain closes)  
Narrator- The next two weeks pass just like the last two. It's hard to believe the crew never gets tired of playing the same games over and over again. Jezzball can't hold my attention for more than a minute.  
VFO- Yeah, well, what do you know?  
Narrator- I'm glad this is almost over, so I'll finally be rid of you!  
VFO- Oh, no. You'll never be rid of me.   
Narrator- And why not?  
VFO- Because I never give up that easily. Come on, get going with your narration, I'll bet the audience is getting tired of you.  
Narrator- Me? You think they'd be more tired of you!  
(Lantis walks onto stage and stands in the center. Spotlight focuses on him)  
Lantis- Will you both shut up? Just get on with it, already!  
Narrator and VFO- Sorry.  
(Lantis walks offstage. Curtain opens, scene is same as before, but shown in the window is a large red planet.)  
Wolfe- (Stands up and walks over to window) Look, Mari! Kinmoku! We've finally made it!  
(Mariko, Celcia, Horatio, and Lina all jump up and run over to the window)  
Mariko- Are you sure this is it?  
Wolfe- What else could it be?  
Horatio- Look at the computer moniter!  
Lina- It says we're there! Whoohoo!  
(All do some sort of short happy-dance, except for Mariko, who is still looking out the window. Wolfe, Lina, Celcia, and Horatio freeze. Lights dim, with only the spotlight on Mariko.)  
Mariko- Kinmoku. Finally we've made it, and we can go home. But where exactly is our home? Is it Earth, or is it here? I've become so accustomed to being here all the time, playing Jezzball with Celcia, meeting new people, like Lina, Horatio, and even Lantis. These people have all become family to me. What will happen to us when we return to our Solar System? I'm sure Lina will return to Saturn, Celcia to Venus, and Wolfe, Horatio, and I to our home countries. I'm really gonna miss everybody.   
(Lights come back on, and characters resume their dancing. Wolfe stops, and turns to Mariko)  
Wolfe- Hey, Mari? What's wrong?  
(Mariko shakes her head slowly, then suddenly bursts into tears. She hugs Wolfe tightly and sobs into his shoulder)  
Wolfe- Mari? Mariko? What is it? What's the matter?  
(Lina, Celcia, and Horatio all stop dancing and help Wolfe attempt to comfort Mariko)  
Celcia- Mari, come on, what is it? You can tell us.  
Mariko- (Pulls back from Wolfe) I-it's nothing. I'm probably just happy because we're finally here.   
Horatio- Somehow, I don't think that's the problem.  
Lina- Mariko, please. You can't be so sad without at least telling us why.  
Mariko- Well, alright. It's like this. All of you guys have become like my family, and what's gonna happen to us after we return? We'll probably never see each other again!  
(Lina, who is now crying, hugs Mariko)  
Lina- We will, don't worry about it!  
Mariko- (Sad smile) Well, thanks for trying to cheer me up. Sorry I got so sentimental.  
Celcia- It's perfectly alright. I'm gonna miss all this too.  
Wolfe- Me too.  
Horatio- And me.  
Lina-So am I.  
(Mariko, Wolfe, Celcia, Lina, and Horatio all in engage in a big group hug. Curtain closes)  
VFO- Don't you even start crying.  
Narrator- (Blows nose loudly) Too late.  
VFO- Gaah. Well, since our Narrator is, uh, indisposed right now, I'll take over. Our heroes have finally reached Kinmoku, and all of them are growing sentimental. What will happen to them when all of this is over? Will they ever see each other again? Oh, no, now I'm gonna start!   
(VFO starts to cry loudly. Lantis walks out to Center Stage, as before)  
Lantis- Ack, sentimentalness. Somebody gag me with a radioactive spork.   
(VFO and Narrator keep sobbing)  
Lantis- I guess I have no choice. Here I go. (He pulls a piece of paper out of his cape and begins to read off of it.) . The crew of the Starlight Express is finally at Kinmoku, where the sacred plant of Escuudo grows. They have finally seen the last of Lantis, since, after his unfortunate injury, has lost track of them. (Lantis stops reading) Hey, no fair! I still have to kill Celcia! (He stomps offstage, mumbling to himself.)  
(Curtain opens. [Use the red lights for this, as Kinmoku is a red planet] The scene is all red, with tall red mountains in the background. All around are silver plants. The place seems to be deserted)  
Mariko- Well, here we are.   
(Lina runs up to a plant and begins inspecting it)  
Lina- This is Escuudo, I just know it!   
(Celcia kneels down next to Lina and also inspects the plant)  
Celcia- How can you tell?  
Lina- Does anyone have a cut or a bruise?  
Celcia- I do, from when Lantis tried to strangle me. (She pulls her cape off, and she is wearing black pants and a black tank top. There is a bruise on her shoulder. Lina pulls off a leaf of the Escuudo, and presses it to Celcia's shoulder. There is a blinding flash of light, which quickly subsides. Lina takes the Escuudo leaf off of Celcia's shoulder, and her bruise is gone.)  
Lina- This is Escuudo for sure!  
Mariko- (Emotionless) Yeah, great.   
(Lina stands up)  
Lina- This is odd. I always thought people lived here.  
Horatio- Me too. I wonder where they all are.  
(Celcia stands up and stands beside Horatio)  
Celcia- Most creepy. Hey, Mari, what do you think happened to them?  
Mariko- No clue. Maybe..........  
Wolfe- Maybe what?  
Mariko- Maybe there were no people here to begin with. Maybe it was just a story.   
(Wolfe suddenly looks as it he has got a bright idea, and pulls Celcia, Lina, and Horatio over to the side. The whisper for a few moments, then all walk back over to Mariko.)  
Mariko- What's going on?  
Celcia- From now on, there's gonna be people on Kinmoku! You said you didn't want us to seperate, and now we don't have to!  
(Horatio walks over to Celcia and puts his arm around her. She blushes furiously, as before)  
Horatio- I'm sure we'll all make out just fine here.   
Wolfe- And just think, Mari. You'll never have to see Captain Giles again.  
(Mariko bursts into a huge grin. She then turns, and begins to walk off Stage Right)  
Lina- Hey, Mari, where ya going?  
Mariko- Unfinished business. Be right back.  
(Curtain closes)  
VFO- Oooh, I wonder where she's going.  
Narrator- I know! (Laughs manically)  
VFO- Hey, that's not fair! How come you know and I don't?  
Narrator- Because I'm the narrator, that's why! (Continues laughing)  
(Lantis again walks out to Center Stage)  
Lantis- Hey, Narrator! I'll bet you really don't know!  
Narrator- Yes I do.  
Lantis- Then tell us.  
VFO- Yeah, tell us.   
Narrator- Um, I gotta go now. It's been really fun narrating, I'll miss you all, but I'm off to audition for the voice of a new character on Pokemon! Bye!  
Lantis- He didn't know.  
VFO- Figures.  
Lantis- Hey, since there's really nothing more to narrate, and I'm obviously not going to make any more appearances, you wanna go get a soda?  
VFO- Sure. You're a lot cooler than that dumb old Narrator.  
Lantis- I know.  
(Curtain opens. It is again the main room of the Starlight Express. Mariko is the only one in it, and she is sitting at the computer chair, fooling with it. The voice of Captain Giles comes on)  
Giles- Mariko? Is that you?   
Mariko- It's me, Giles.  
Giles- Well, have you reached Kinmoku yet?  
Mariko- That's why I'm calling. This will be our last message to you. Even if we do reach Kinmoku, the Earth has probably already been destroyed. It's not worth it anymore. Goodbye, Captain Giles.  
Giles- Wait, Mariko, wait! There's still hope for the Earth! Mariko! Marikooooooooo!  
(Mariko turns the computer off. Celcia yells to her from offstage)  
Celcia- Hey, Mari, what's the hold up?  
Mariko- It's nothing. I'll be right there!  
(She runs off, Stage Left. Curtain closes.)  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
